After much soul searching, I decided to start applying to positions outside of this state. Oregon is not willing to support education in the way it needs be financially supported, so students and new teachers are getting shafted. It is dismal, and seems to get worse every year.
I recently applied to several positions in a small town in Wyoming. When you have submitted close to 200 applications, it is difficult to get excited about the positions anymore. But this one seemed different, and held a lot of potential. I sincerely wanted the job, and felt like I would be a great fit. I researched the area, examined the curriculum, checked into potential residences... I was full of hope, bursting with enthusiasm.
I touched base today with the secretary to see what the status was. They are hiring 9 people, and I wasn't even considered for an interview. Oh.
Hope can be so cruel.
It is so brutal to be refused again and again and again. Yet I am told by the professionals I work with not to lose hope, that I am a great teacher, to keep trying, that it's just the economy, that things will turn around. Not one of those phrases helps me pay bills or provides me with the same feeling I get when I am teaching. But they all give me hope, which is then dashed when I dare to entertain it.
I am not a particularly religious person. I figure it is a personal decision, and everyone finds the belief that fits them. For me, I believe that there is a plan for me, a path to follow, and that things happen for a reason. Maybe I didn't get the job in another state because there is one waiting me closer to home. Maybe I would have been miserable there. I won't know the "maybe" until the plan plays out. So I have to maintain a sense of faith.
The great thing about faith is, you can always say that things haven't played out. You can procrastinate the results. And in that way, you can maintain your faith in a way that hope cannot. Your hope gets squelched periodically, and just about that time, your faith in the future grows just a little bit more.
I don't know about my faith or hope in Oregon's future. But I suppose I have to maintain my own.
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