Kindergarten is not my path...

     I woke up early after a fitful night of sleep punctuated with thoughts of bilingual labels and math manipulatives for five year olds. Got dressed in heels (you know I never do that!) and put together all of my professional paperwork together. Showed up to the school and ended up giving my card to one of the other kindergarten teachers who spoke with the principal. He wasn't interested in talking to me, and already had 6 interviews lined up for the day. Oh well.
     So that was the end of that venture. What I realized is that I feel good for the attempt.  I have no regrets for trying.
     Yes, I am disappointed. Is kindergarten my dream job? No. But it would have been an in, an entry towards my dream position. It would have been a challenge, an adventure, and terrific experience.
     So the path I need to take is not this one. OK, I can accept that. So I am still looking to find the path that is mine. As long as I keep on trying, I have no regrets.

On the Cusp

     I have been mentally preparing to get back into subbing for the district in which I both was trained and worked. The first step was to pay for and take the video training on child abuse, sexual harassment, and bloodborne pathogens. (That one has to do this yearly is another topic.) Then I submitted a copy of my license in order to obtain a small yellow paper card saying that the educational district has a copy of my teaching license.  The district I want to sub in has posted hours each Tuesday in order to sign up.  Naturally I hurried up to get the training completed on Monday to be ready to sign up as soon as little card appeared in the mail. Today is Wednesday, and it showed up. Of course. So I wait until the first day of school, next Tuesday, in order to go to the district office during the anticipated hours.
     As I was eating my dinner, a frantic phone call came in from a dear friend. This friend has several children who have all attended the local elementary school, and wrote a letter to the principal on my behalf, in the hope that he might look at me closely during the last week of summer as enrollment numbers rose. She and two of her girls were at the school to drop off school supplies and meet the teachers.  While they were there, it came to her attention that they were going to have to hire another teacher at the last minute. She called me to tell me I should apply and to show up tomorrow in order to be interviewed. So I filled out the online application.  And I will head over there tomorrow.
     So it's a kindergarten position.  I'm more of an upper grades teacher. The classroom is naked and holds only desks and some hopeful students. I've never taught in this district before. I've never met the principal. I have to brash and bold to meet him and get an interview.  That's not exactly my way.
     I want the job. OK, I want to work. This would give me an opportunity to work and get into a district. I'd be able to live with my husband and work full time.
     Did I mention it is kindergarten? Tiny kidlets. Tears and 10 minute lessons. Nap time and clapping and rhyming.
     We will see what happens tomorrow.

Oh August

     So here we are again, August... eyeing each other with that dwindling hope of a job in the wind as back to school sales rage all around.
     I completed my year in good stead. Based on the posted state test results, the students did a great job. (The school as a whole actually did better.) Reflecting back on my experience, I LOVED teaching my students. Yes, I felt frustrated at times. Yes, I wanted to strangle them periodically. But yes, I also delighted as they began to understand and I could finally see the light dawning in their eyes. I adored seeing them begin to take pride in their work, in beginning to think independently.
     Was it worth it? Absolutely. Worth the angst with administration, worth leaving family and friends for a few months, worth leaving an educational system I was comfortable with and trading it for one that was weird. 
     As I contemplate submitting my substitute teacher documents so that I can once again enter into that arena, I feel conflicting emotions. I want to teach, but not substitute. Not working in a school this next year would be impossible, yet not knowing who, when, or where is hugely challenging. I have to wonder if I am taking a step backward, or just taking a breather to reassess the situation.
     Then there is the idea that has been rolling around in my mind for the past year... instead of waiting for a school to offer me a job, why can't I create a school?  There is need. The more research I complete, the more I see potential for the future of our children, for the future of our country, and perhaps selfishly, my own future. Hence the idea for a name: Future Start. As in, your future starts now, and it starts here, in a school that is looking to prepare our students for the future.
     Do I long to be one of those teachers getting ready for the year? Yes. But I guess my life is taking a different turn, and for now, I need to focus on what I can do to make my dreams happen, rather than waiting for a school to finally recognize what I can offer their students and their community.

     August might just be another month after all. Not a death sentence for an unemployed teacher.