"Captain-isms" & Other Overheard Phrases

Words I have to put up with on a weekly basis during staff meetings:
li-bary (library, note the two r's, please!)
prah-jec (project)
cal-cuh-late (calculate)
ack-raht (accurate)
a-sep-tible (acceptable)
"Mrs. X do help us copy them off." (seriously, straight from the Captain's mouth.)

From students:
"What constellation is the Big Diaper?" (Um, Big Dipper, perhaps?)
"combinated"

One quarter down, three to go

In a single quarter of teaching, I have learned many new things. Here is a sampling of the latest lessons...

• It is much easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission. This particularly applies when one does not know the procedures because they have never been posted, shared, or otherwise distributed.


• The people who say the building will be open are typically not the ones who are going to be unlocking it at 6 am. They are the ones who show up an hour after you have been sitting outside the gate though.


• Your favorite students fall ill, but the ones you most wish would contract laryngitis never do.


• Adminstrative policies rarely make sense.


• (most) Middle school students are thugs. (the ones at my school are!)


• Kindergardeners cannot read signs indicating girl and boy bathrooms. And middle schoolers do not appreciate the hand drawn-stick figure pictures with pink dress or blue shirt that has been put up for the kinders. And 5th graders are terrified to venture to the bathroom between 11 and 1 every day.


• Never ask for a permanent marker "to have". Admin will freak out.


• Students never hear directions the first 30 times.


• Unless it is an announcement there is no homework.


• Never announce "no homework" early in the day.


• Students will continue to use words they think are hysterical, like "tushie". You will re-think using words like "tushie" instead of what you really mean.


• The students who most hate writing are the ones who typically have to get a drink and/or go to the bathroom as soon as you start writing a prompt on the board.


• Students will never all put their names on their papers. They enjoy giving you a mystery to figure out.


• Even the most annoying student will have moments of brilliance.


• Even the most brilliant student will have moments of annoyance.


• No matter how hard you strive to make questions clearly stated, one student will give you an answer you never remotely considered.


• And you kind of want to give that student partial points for creativity.


• Even 12 hour days pass quickly.


• Print out answer keys.


• Stay on top of the grading.


• Double sided copies count as two copies.


• Smile and nod, and then go back to your classroom and do what is best for your students. Ignore the idiocy.


• When students listen to classmates giving speeches on Explorers, they only key in on two factors: the birth date and the death date.


• They will ask really stupid questions that were answered in the speech. ("Where did the 'Father of Canada' explore?")


• You will be sorely tempted to provide an incorrect answer to that student.


• Counting to ten only works early in the year. Counting to a million takes too long later on in the year.


• Students will be impressed that there is at least one classmate who focused on the work at hand and completed it before it was assigned for homework.


• The one who will be most impressed is the one who has done the least work.


• Even though you have announced what page to turn to in the science book multiple times AND written it on the board, there will be at least one student who still will ask you what page.


• Students will amaze you in all sorts of ways. Not always in a good way. But not always in a bad way, either.


• As annoying as they can be, they still kind of wriggle into your heart.